Plane Jayne

What the Hell happened?

2008-07-24T22:51:00.000-07:00

Im BAAAACK!

Oh my God...i am so excited about this.

I am so sorry that I ahve been gone for a couple of years. Life has had some amazing landings and take-offs. I will do my best to keep updated.

I have missed you

Jayne

Remember...Prior to pushback, all guests must turn off all electronic devices!

My liver is nervous

2006-02-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

I feel a drunk-fest is imminent.

Dan from Dan Turning 40 and Adam from Krebs Cycle are coming to town this weekend. My drinking hand is already cramping up in anticipation of the weekend's events.

I am so excited.

Prep and I have been cleaning and getting ready for our visitors, and, of course, we made our very necessary trip to Beverages And More. UGH. I hope my liver doesn't go into failure. Im gonna need it to filter the poison.

See you soon guys. Hopefully pictures will be able to tell an amazing story.

We cant wait!

Jayne

P.S. Please remain seated until we have reached the gate and the Captain has turned off the Fasten Seatbelt Sign.

YIPPPEEEE.....Im finally home

2006-02-15T18:46:00.000-08:00

What a HELL of a week. Fire, snow, smoke, wind and the wake turbulence on a 757 that almost rolled us upside down. Ahhh...the life of a stew!

I dont think in all of my flying career have I experienced so many disturbances at one time.

Day two.................

We are flying from Naples to White Plains, when all of a sudden, right after takeoff, I notice something that smells like burning Garlic. Captain Ken asks if I am cooking, I say "no...but you are." Smoke is billowing out of the vent behind his seat. He radios the tower to declare an emergency, and they nose dive us into Kissimmee. I was all AAAARRRGGGHHHH....using my inner voice, of course.
I prepared the cabin for an emergency landing, and sat down. The plane landed without incident, but WOW....good times. Would you believe that the owners still wanted to eat after we landed? Of course, I fed them...I'm always the professional

We all thought we were in the clear for the remainder of the trip, but NO.

Sometimes I have to wonder how these rich people had the abiity to make their money. I mean, My God.

Day Four, people wanted to fly to New York. HELLOOOO....ever heard of a BLIZZARD? yeah? well they are having one up there...dont you watch the news?? The NYC area airports were closed, but these guys insisted on trying to get into the area. So we did...and guess what??? We ended up back in Florida everytime. ARRRGGHHHH...some people...im telling you.

Day Five...On our way to Bermuda...we take off out of Miami, and all of the suden, the plane rocks to one side....i hear captain Al shreik a little. Uh-oh. That cant be good. it seems as though we got cought in the wake turbulence of a Boeing 757. Not good..Not good. Mr. Bacardi (yes...that one) was not pleased...but he was so nice.

I need a drink tonight. BADLY!

Until next time....

Jayne

Remember...do NOT inflate your life vest until after leaving the aircraft.

Super Bowl Sunday......FUN FUN FUN

2006-02-06T17:56:00.000-08:00

Aren't my friends fun????

I never knew how popular the Super Bowl was with the gay community until yesterday. HOLY COW! It was fantastic! The energy and camaraderie were electric.

Prep and I and Chadley decided to venture over to Roscoe's, our local "sports bar" to watch Super Bowl XL and take advantage of the "tailgate party" they were having to commemorate the event. $2.00 beers and free food. HELLO...who wouldn't go...right?

We thought we would head over at about 3:30, have a beer or 2 and maybe watch the game. Upon arriving at the bar, and we could not believe our eyes. Homos everywhere! Inside, outside, all showing their support for their favorite team, and not a place to park. We had to walk like 3 blocks from our car to the bar. When we we walked in, the place was so packed. It was so much fun.

Now, I must admit, I am a BIG football fan, and after three beers, everyone in the bar could tell. I was so against the Steelers winning, so myself and Efran, a fellow football lover, really got into the groove. We had a ball.

Some of the queens in the bar got really fed up with the football game and decided to leave, which was just fine. More room for Efran, myself and the other Lesbians in the bar.

Seattle lost, but only because of poor calls by the refs. (I will soon be over this tragedy and life will go on, but for now....FIE!)

We couldn't have asked for a more perfect day...beautiful weather, great friends, cheap drinks and a great atmosphere!

Once again, Thanks Matty...We know you were busy, but you handled it like a champ. Especially the Lesbian fight!

I hope you all had a great Super Bowl Sunday too....

See you next time

Jayne

P.S. In preparation for landing, please bring you seatbacks and tray tables to their upright position....

Kevin...Phoenix misses you

2006-02-02T21:53:00.000-08:00

Last night, while on my layover in Brownsville, TX, I took the time to look back on All Preps blog. I went through the archieves to February, 2005. GOD those were great times.

Kevin, who is a very successful PhotoJournalist in LA, was Prep's inspiration to start a photo blog. Everywhere we went, Kevin had that damn camera with him and seemed to beautifully capture the essence of the moment at hand.

Looking back, I wish I had taken advantage of Kevin's amazing talent. I miss the Photo blogs of yore.

Kevin...Come Home. the blogging world needs you!

Here are some wonderful memories and some samples of Kevin's wonderful work.Prep's stunning look....Thank God we are petite!!!!!"Roomies...Roomies...there were never such devoted Roomies..."Good memories!
Weren't we Gorgeous? What in the Hell happened????

Jayne

OH MY GOD......I LOOK LIKE A MENTAL PATIENT

2006-01-31T23:40:00.000-08:00

But without the Mental Patient Bangs!

SHIT....what was I thinking???? Oh yeah...that's right, I WASN'T!

So, in a stupid spur of the moment whim, PREP convinced me to cut off my locks and go for the buzzed, mental patient look. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!! Oh well...at least it will grow again. I hope.

Check out the before and after shots. WAAAAAHHHHHH!

I cant wait to have Bangs again. sigh..

BEFORE...notice how fun and playful with a hint of color...

After...I look like an axe murderer with a cheesy grin....SIGH

You'll pay for this, PREP.

Jayne

Ahhhh....I love the chaging of Seasons

2006-01-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

You know its almost spring when girls start showing off their belly buttons again......

A Day of Rememberance and Celebration

2006-01-28T17:00:00.000-08:00

All Prep and I were on our way to the gym today, listening to NPR, when the commentator announced that today was the 20th anniversary of the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion. Well...I couldn't believe it.

20 years ago, 20 fucking years!!! I am amazed by how quickly time has passed.

Do you remember where you were? I do.

I think we should all remember and mourn the tragedy, but celebrate the great advances that the Space Program has made since then.

20 years. WOW!

On a happier note..HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVA! Today is my niece's 1st birthday. Again, I cant believe how time has flown.

Eva...I wish I could see you today, but please know that I am thinking of you.

Take a moment today to tell someone that you love that you are grateful to have them in your lives.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend

Remember...."tampering with, disabling or destroying a lavatory smoke detecter is punishable by law!"

Allergies SUCK!

2006-01-19T10:19:00.000-08:00

True...Phoenix is an amazing city. One full of natural beauty and fantastically balmy winters. The people here seem to be moving here to escape the LA life or the Chicago winters, in search of a nice, suburban lifesltyle, with the benefits of the 5th largest city in the US.

The choice of restaurants is endless, and people watching is a treat.

HOWEVER

This beautiful desert city has the WORST reputation for allergies in the nation. This wonderful valley city is home to every type of allergin known to man.

Many years ago, doctors recommended that people suffering from asthma and allergies in the North, migrate South to take advantage of our Dry Heat. As industry and people have moved in, they have brought with them their cars and their pools and their vegetation from Up There and relocated it here, ruining our naturally dry and allgerin-free area.

I understand progress, but you are all killing me!!! AARRRGGHHH!

Am I just moping and feeling sorry for myself, or do I have a legitimate complaint? Is my desire to be able to use BOTH nostrils really too much to ask? My nose looks like a really bad sunburn....my throat is sore ( and NOT from bruising ). WAAAAAAHHHH...I want to feel better!

Claritin is my new best friends.

Have a great day.

Jayne

Remember....This cabin is pressurized for your comfort.

What a weekend!

2006-01-10T23:54:00.000-08:00

I am going to be lazy.

Too hungover to write. UGH

Check this out. Scroll down to the Lost Weekend entry. What an amazing time!

Jayne

Tick Tock

2005-12-31T20:08:00.000-08:00

Well...here it is. 11:50 pm EST, and I am in Wilmington, DE.

All of a sudden, it hit me. 2005 is over. I cant believe it.

I sincerely hope that you all have a prosperous and healthy 2006.

Thanks so much to all of my friends for their support and to my family for the love they give.

Tanner...Thanks so much for all of your patience and your caring.

Darin...what can I say? I promise to stay true to my resolution this year. NO MIXERS!

Donnie...get your ass down to Phoenix and party with us.

See you next year

Merry Christmas to me...Happy Birthday too..

2005-12-30T12:47:00.000-08:00

....and happy Arbor Day, Memorial Day, and 4th of July.

Oh my god. I must be out of my head. But isnt it FANTASTIC???!!!????

I must be out of my frigging mind. But I guess its too late now. YIPPEEE!

I was out on Camelback the other day and thought I would swing by our local BMW dealer to see if they had the '06's in. I am a car fanatic and like to keep up on the newest models. BMW has a new body style for '06, and I wanted to compare the differences.

I walked in and was browsing around, when one thing led to another, and I traded Pepper, my red Volvo, in for a new 325i.

I LOVE IT.

It is so luxurious and snazzy. oooohhh...im so excited. I think I will call her "Bunny." What do you think? Any suggestions?

The new style is alot bigger than the '05. Becasue of this, I decided on the Volvo last year. But this year, I couldnt resist.

Here's to happy driving.

Happy New Years, kids.

Jayne

Ho Ho Ho

2005-12-29T14:00:00.000-08:00

Well...I am so sorry i missed the Holiday cheer this year. I did think of all of you and hope that everyone had a FANTASTIC holiday.

Work has beena frigging nightmare. My Christmas sucked...and New Years will be terrible too. I wont go on anymore, as this Holiday Cheer thing is something that we all need.

I hope you have a fantastic and safe New Years celebration..

See you in 2006

You think your job is bad????

2005-12-20T13:54:00.000-08:00

This little guy is fondly called Eneman...

I would die if I had to do this for a living...This makes me LOVE my job.

But he is kind of cute, don't you think?

There really isnt much more to say, is there?

Don't Judge...Judy

2005-12-18T15:54:00.000-08:00

Arrrrriba....Arrrrriba.

I got to go to Mexico this week.......

.....for an hour. UGH. What a tease. Bastards!

My crew and I were in LA, sitting stand by, again, when all of a sudden we were sent to Cabo San Lucas!!!

"AWESOME!" we all thought. We could have a few beers, sit by the pool or the ocean and get a nice winter tan.

We were covering an trip for a crew that had a medical emergency, so we rushed to Santa Monica Airport. Upon seeing the brief sheet, I noticed that we were taking four people down to Mexico. Looking at the name, I thought "Gee..this name looks familiar." I thought it was just because I had flown this owner before.

WRONG!!!

It was a famous Judge and family. HOW AWESOME!

She was amazing. I loved her. So gracious and funny. What a card.

She and her husband and two guests were traveling for the holidays. She invited us to hang out with them in Cabo upon arrival....drinks, dinner, and some laughs.

But NOOO !

We landed and found out we had to take 5 people back to Houston. DAMN! Maybe next time.

Thankfully, the five to Houston were even more fun than the previous owner....they were a kick and a half. I noticed on the paperwork that the owner liked good wines. Now, I had purchased a nice bottle of Oreil the night before for the plane and was thrilled to bring it to him. He noticed the wine and said.."oh, my profile must say that I like good wine."

I said, with a smile, "Why, yes it does."

To which, he replied.."does it also say i like to FUCK onboard?" and he let out a hearty laugh.

I pissed myself....he was awesome. His wife, and their guests were a hoot too...they got wasted and I think a fourgy started right before landing. Hey..fine with me!

Now im sitting in Phoenix, wating to go home, but I cant because my replacement hasn't arrived yet. GRRRRRR

Until next time, remember.... please turn off all electronic devices until we have reached 10,000 feet. (p.s. it really DOES interfere with navigation, trust me...I've tested it.)

God I hate sitting around

2005-12-15T08:37:00.000-08:00

So Crew Scheduling woke my ass up at 4am. Told me to hurry out to Phoenix airport, catch a Southwest flight and hurry to Mercury Executive Terminal in Los Angeles.

So I said...."WOW! There must be something BIG going on to rush me like that! No problem...I'm on my way!"

I grabbed my shit and RAN to the airport. Checked in for my flight....flew to LAX and took a taxi to Mercury.

And guess what....the plane is BROKEN!

Now we are just sitting here playing with ourselves. GRRRRRRR. Im sure glad they sent me here. We are definitely needed!

Thank God my crew is an awesome one.

Oh well...Now we just sit here and wait for something to happen. Most likely they will send us back to the hotel. ( ANGRY FISTS )

Hey. Have you checked out All Prep? He has started to do PodCasts....totally fun.

Until my next departure....remember, "...please put on your mask before helping someone who may need you assistance."

A picture is worth 1000 words

2005-12-13T01:03:00.000-08:00

This is Paulina. She and I used to fly together at United. These are the memories that made all of the bullshit that Management put us through worth it. This is how we would let off steam.

This particular trip was a EWR layover. We were out of control this trip. We had gone to Ground Zero the night before, so we were trying to be in good spirits.

Enjoy these wacky and very special photos.

If you ever see Paulina in the Friendly Skies. say HI for me.

I miss you and love ya girl....

Cheers

WOW!!! I'm on the air..rather than in it

2005-12-12T21:15:00.000-08:00

HOLY SHIT!!!

It was so amazing. I was in between flights, enjoying my small side salad with a lemon wedge, and here comes this crazy person, shoving a microphone in my face.

And would you believe it was Darin?? He wanted to interview me for the D-Squared Christmas PodCast

I was the FIRST interview for the D-squared Christmas PodCast. It is going to be so amazing. Donnie and Darin are interviewing some of the bloggers in cyberspace, to find out what their plans are for the Holidays, and to actually HEAR what they sound like when they are typing.

If you are interested in giving a shout out to all of your blogger friends, just let me know and I will pass along your info

I feel just like Wolfman Jack......

Well...its off to bed.

Nighty night

"DING...you are now free to roam about the runway..er...Country

2005-12-08T19:49:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well. Hmmm...isnt it interesting how tides, as well as safety records, can turn in an instant. Hometown favorite, Southwest Airlines, seems to think that their peanut fares allows them to drop their passengers off wherever they want. And that includes Central Avenue behind MDW (Chicago Midway Aiport.)

Apparently, in a mad dash to have another "on-time" arrival, the Low-Fare airline felt invincible, thinking that ice and snow diversions didnt apply to them.

It seems as though a flight from BWI (Baltimore) was on final approach into MDW, and landed at over 160mph!!!

Now, from what I understand, and correct me if I am wrong, 737's dont have very effective "flaps" on the front of the wing. These flaps help to create a drag (no comments) effect on the aircraft which helps to slow the airplane down on approach, making it safer to land in icy conditions. They can take 20-30 mph off of the landing speed. The lack of effective flaps, combined with the kind of short runway and a steep glide slope at Chicago Midway, caused this particular plane to skid right off of the runway.... onto the grass.... through the border fence ... and into the intersection of 55th and Central Ave!! The plane ran over two cars.

I am so glad that there were no fatalities on board, and there were many comments praising the Flight Attendants. KUDOS KIDS

Unfortunately, as I am editing this blog, I found out from Donny, my ex, not Donnie in Boise, that one 6 year old boy was killed in one of the cars that I mentioned earlier.

I hope that this will cause Southwest to stop and think a bit more when they are constantly trying to turn these planes on 20 minute turn arounds. Maybe, if they took a deep breath, took and extra 15 minutes or so between legs, this kind of thing won't happen again.

By the way. this is not the first time this has happened to them! ( SEE PHOTO ) This happened to them in 2000 in BUR (Burbank).

Looking back, I dont know of any other airline that this HAS happened to. hmmmmm....interesting, dont you think?

Well...I hope this has made you think about how vulnerable and amazing flying can be. I also hope you will at least pay a teensy bit of attention the next time we are in the aisles flailing our arms around and pointing out exits for you. Believe me...we hate doing it as much as you loathe seeing it. But it is important .

Until our next "leg", remember...Be nice to the stews, we can save your lives, and we control the liquor !!!

We are ready for takeoff from BNA (Nashville).

BRRRRR....its cold out here

2005-12-07T09:47:00.000-08:00

Holy SHIT...it freezing.

Im sitting here in MSP (Minneapolis), waiting for my passengers, excuse me, "owners" to arrive and literally freezing my ass off. I dont know how in the hell people can live here. it's like 1 degree...

I have been in Texas for the last 3 days with a broken airplane. Its been great... I flew an Ex President three days ago from Austin to Houston, and have been here ever since. Today, we finally got our plane fixed and had to go up North, and I HATE it. Ahh...the life of a Stewardess.

But on to happier things. I am so proud of Darin for speaking his mind the other day and its so nice to see how many supporters he actually has. As his roommate, I can honestly say that he is NEVER sad, RARELY rude and HARDLY sober....and that is why we love him.

If you havent had a chance to check him out, please do...but who am I kidding....everyone know who he is.

I still have two more days on the road, so I will try to let you all know where I am.

OOH OOH. I am so excited about my upcoming trip to BOI (Boise) to see Darin and Donnie over the holidays. I have to work all three holidays this year so ill be all alone...but the Boise trip will ease the lonely nights....um..i mean days. (wink wink Donnie)

Well...i have four Filets, two Chicken Caesar salads and a Grilled Salmon to get ready...so ill sign off for now.

This blogging is tough....hopefully it will get better..

Hello Everyone

2005-12-02T15:17:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, please fasten you seat belts at this time and prepare for takeoff. The Captain has advised me that this trip will be an indefinte one, and it is going to a turbulent one.

Where can I start? This blog comes to you courtesy of Darin, All prep and no H . He tried to convince me that my life is a hoot and I should write things about my life and my job down for all of his "gentle readers."

I was born in California almost two score ago, and moved to Phoenix in November, 2004.

I have been a flight attendant for almost 15 years, and I LOVE it. I cant imagine doing aything else, and I feel like one of the lucky ones who loves his career.

I flew for United Airlines up until a year ago, when I got a job flying on private jets. Talk about a trip. There are so many rich people in the world, and so many celebrities too.

Most of these people are fantastic, very low maintainence and kind. HOWEVER....there is that rare exception. As this blog contuinues throughout the years, I will relay all of the insane and wonderful things that happen at 41,000 feet onboard my Falcon 2000.

Until my next post, I hope you have a great weekend and a fantastic work week.

Thanks for reading.
C

p.s. All Prep, Fresh n' Tasty...I hope this turns out as well as yours.